From John Leonard, American Swimming Coaches Association
Jun
30 2009
After thirty-three full years of
observation, it has occurred to me that some parents must internally delight in
the idea of sabotaging their child's swim career. They must for some perverse
reason WANT to do this, since they work so incredibly hard at it and are so
remarkably successful. Hereafter, my top ten list of means and methods. (And
more seriously, some clear examples on positive alternatives.)
·
Start out making sure the child will get a material reward for
good performance…. at age 8, a stop at McDonalds for a 100 IM done without
disqualification. At age 10, a five-dollar bill for a new "A" time.
At age 12, a trip to Disney World for a
If you can't see
what's wrong with this, you're the problem. The approach that
works best? Let the rewards become internal. Let the sport
"belong" to the child, not something that "Mommy wants me to
do." Get them to understand the value of working hard to improve
themselves EVERY DAY, and allow them opportunities to "prove
themselves" through THEIR sport.
·
Demand that the child keep up with Fred's kid, from work, who
always wins at least one event in any meet they go to. Fred's kid is 8, stands
5 feet, 5 inches tall and had his first shave last Friday. Face shave, not swimming
shave. Demand that your child stays close to, or "Right with" those
early developers in your club
Reality? Children develop at
different rates, in terms of size, strength, coordination, emotional and
intellectual maturity and just about everything else. Allow your child to
compete ONLY against itself, and measure them against only their own best
efforts.
·
Coach your child part time, "when you're available".
If you're rarely available, show up after practice with a stopwatch and
"help" Susie by timing her for 50 meters "to see if she's
getting any better". Encourage her with "kick, Susie, Kick!"
screams from the side of the pool. This will nicely balance out the fact that
all your 10 and under age group coach does is ask them to swim correctly and
SLOOOOWLY so they learn their strokes.
You're just
encouraging them to swim Faster, right??? Right? Right? Huh? What should you do? Just about ANYTHING
except coach. Parents are for unconditional love and support. Coaches are
for critical analysis of performance and developing skills physical, emotional
and tactical. STAY AWAY from any coaching. If you doubt your coaches' ability
to coach, talk to them about it, at last resort, go somewhere you have enough
faith in the coaching to stay out of it. No mistake is worse than trying to be
both parent and coach to your child. It's guaranteed long-term relationship
disaster.
·
Insist that your child swim the race the way YOU want it
swum…."like I saw them do in the Olympics" or "like I did, when
I was in college in 1975" when you're at the meet on Saturday, after not
having seen your child swim in practice for 6 months. After all, swimming's swimming right? It doesn't change. Does it? Does
it? Huh?
Reality? Techniques and
thinking on how to swim races change all the time. Swimming for a ten
year old is not what it might be for a 20 year old, or an Olympic Swimmer.
Allow your coach to select the race strategy that they deem age appropriate and
developmentally proper for your child. If you doubt the coaches
ability to do this, talk to them about it, until you are reassured.
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·
Go get 'em a nice candy bar, mom and
dad, just before they swim, so they'll have some "quick energy" just
before they dive in. Or, bring in some nice fresh Crispy Crème donuts just
after the warm-up and before the big meet. That'll give them a lift and cheer
them up. Psych them up. Yeah. Good. Ugh.
Well, for those who don't know, Sugar is the Great
Satan of physical performance. It creates an immediate "sugar
high" in the bloodstream and then immediately thereafter, a HUGE dip in
the blood sugar, so just about the time your child gets up to swim, they'll
feel like they are wilting and just want to go lie down and rest. Not exactly
"race ready". And don't try to figure out how to "time it"
for the sugar high, either … it won't work, its not
that predictable in timing…. except exertion will immediately trigger the sugar
low. What instead? If they must eat between races and meals, have a bagel or
non-sugar carbohydrate snack.
·
Tell your early developed 15 year old, "But you were SOOOOO
good, when you were eight!"
Wow. Nothing heavier than a great
potential, according to Charlie Brown. If you have an early
developing child, stay away from past results comparisons. Just look at
your own child's best times, and encourage improvement. And if the times aren't
improving as they get older, and thankfully, they still enjoy swimming, just
keep your mouth shut and be pleased that they enjoy the exercise and training. Great friends to be around, great role models. If you have
trouble keeping your mouth shut, go look around at the mall to see whom your
child COULD be hanging out with. It should inspire you to keep bringing them to
the pool.
·
Go to the side of the pool each time the child swims, to "support
them", with wild cheering, screaming, trembling and generally
demonstrating your emotional involvement in your child's swim. The child will
swim REEEAALLLY fast the first time you do this, (which will encourage you to
do it ALL the time…) since all they want to do is get out of the water so
you'll stop embarrassing them. Then they'd prefer to NEVER race again rather
than see you like that.
Reality? Sit down. Smile.
Cheer internally. When your child comes back, ask the child what they thought of
their swim. Listen. Be quiet. Learn. Then cheer wildly for your child's best
friend. That'll make your child happy, not embarrassed (and hope your child's
friend's parent is cheering for YOUR child!).
·
Spend your time in the car pool dissecting the workout your
child just did. You can dissect the work given (critiquing the coach), or the
child's performance (critiquing the child) or best of all, OTHER people's
children's performance. The more critical you can be, the more knowledgeable
you will appear. The door you hear slamming is your child leaving swimming.
What to do after you watch practice? Go
Home. Feed your child. DO NOT TALK ABOUT PRACTICE UNLESS YOUR CHILD WANTS TO DO
SO.
This is all about letting the sport belong to the child and not to you. Critical.
·
When your child has an improved swim, faster than ever before,
jump up and down, demonstrate your enthusiasm with words like WONDERFUL!
FANTASTIC! INCREDIBLE! UNBELIEVEABLE! And generally behave as if you can't
believe that a child with your pitiful athletic genes could actually do
something worthwhile. This will ensure that your child will believe that they
have accomplished something akin to finding the Holy Grail and will ensure that
they cannot even REPEAT that performance, much less improve on it, for another
two years when they finally forget your performance.
Reality? We all get excited
when our child performs well in any way. Try your best to be restrained around
your child. Making a big deal of a best time makes it seem like you are
SURPRISED that they could do so. Like you lack confidence
that they could actually do anything worthwhile. Instead, play it cool.
Express your confidence that the wonderful thing you just saw is an everyday
event for a child as dedicated, hardworking and talented as yours. In the words of the football coach trying to diminish the
"celebration factor" - "ACT LIKE YOU HAVE BEEN IN THE END ZONE
BEFORE." (And expect to be again.)
·
Tell your child that they "HAVE TO/MUST" make this
"time, time standard, place, final, or medal "Right Now". That
should be crushing enough pressure to debilitate most anyone…except you of
course, who can sit in the stands or at poolside, with a cup of coffee and a
bun while you emote, rather than swim, the race.
What's the right
language? Each swim is an opportunity to go fast. Just
another opportunity. If you miss on this one, you'll get another chance
shortly. The more important we make something, the more the pressure load to
perform under. Everything is "just another swim meet". Everything. Even the Olympic Games.
Our Olympic Coaches tell our Olympic Athletes regularly …"what do you do
in a regular meet? You try to go a best time. This is the same. Go a best time
here, and you'll be fine." No one swim meet is "make it or break
it" for an athletes career. Don't artificially try to make it so.